Please die John Walsh

UPDATE Jan 29th 2004: To all the people out there to don’t get that this is a random rant and bitch session, this is not an attack on John Walsh, a call to kill anyone, or anything like that. Take this for what you paid for it, and read it with your brain engaged, and realize I’m not a psycho. Thanks for not being an idiot.

The only thing that inspired me today while doing my run at the gym (back up to my full 45 min! yay!) was hoping that someone would kill off The John Walsh Show. You’ve seen this guy, he used to be on Americas most wanted or something and decided that “helping people” was more important. This guy is an annoying bastard. From what I have seen (the 33 minutes or so I watched today was the longest I’ve watched of his show, ever, but I have seen bits and pieces here and there) every show is the same.

Bring in a person or group of people that are in trouble, were in trouble, are in jail, death row, or whatever. Speak to them in low tones and ask leading questions, getting them to renounce their evil and say how wrong they were and how sorry they are. Then bring in their parents or relatives and get them to give “their side”… how painful it was, how sad they are, how ashamed/scared/embarassed they are. Make sure there are tears. I believe the acting people on this show as much as I do those on Springer, or any of the other shit talk shows on TV these days (are there good ones? I don’t think so). I’m pretty sure that when they are briefed on how to act before the show, instead of Springer telling them to show their tits and fight randomly with people while acting like white trailer trash, Johnny boy tells them to make sure there are tears, and to never raise their voices or say what’s really on their mind, if it’s anything that wouldn’t bring tears from the members of their family or the audience.

For example, today was a typical “troubled teen” show. One little bastard was on there for beating up his mom. Excuse me, what the fuck? How dare you lay a hand on your own mother? How the hell are these kids being raised?? We were told that this was “not genetic” and that the kid was not hit by his parents. Anyway, Walsh askes the little punk (not an exact quote, but close as I can remember) “if someone was raping your mother, what would you do?” the kid replies “I’d try to fight them off.”

What the hell is he supposed to say?

Sure, the kid fights with his mom, but when asked a question like that would any sane fucking human being answer anything but like he did? Not if they are truely human.

Anyway, later on in the show John brings this back up by twisting things around a bit and saying “[punk ass kid] said that he’d stop anyone from ever hurting you, you can see that he really loves you… ” This is followed by more dialog guarenteed to bring mist to they eyes of the target audience, which would be middle aged housewives and/or stay at home moms by my guess.

The rest of the show was like that. Prompt kids to go over and give their mom a hug (being basically forced to hug your mom on national TV does not make it a real hug), more dialog to mist up the eyes, then bring in a phychologist of some sort (though I’m sure he had a book to sell) to tell everyone that communication was important and there was lots to work on. Gosh, your son hits you or your kid is a boozed up crackhead selling herself on the street, and there’s work to be done? Quick, get them to hug so everyone will feel like all the hard work is done by the end of the hour!

Note that this isn’t the phychologist that they use on Maury that recommends sending your kid off to some boot camp (some of which sound absolutely horrible places to send anyone).

TV sucks. Except for movies that are randomly on, there’s pretty much no good reason to turn it on, even for the Lingerie Bowl.

In short, I hate you John Walsh and hope that you and your method of making “tv” goes away. Please don’t ever invade my screen again.

This has been a paid advertisement by the please go away john walsh confederation.

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