Ever had one of those nights where you’ve decided to go to bed at a decent
hour, and are lying there, prepared for a long long night of that much sought
after “sleep” thing, when a thought strikes you.
What happens if you have a king sized bed, you know, one of those ones where
it’s a perfect 18 foot square. Your sheets can go a total of 4
different ways. And if you have a duvet, that doubles it to 8… if you’re a
sheet, sheet, comforter kinda guy or gal that brings the total to 12 different
directions that your covers could go, not to mention the possibility of you
getting all three sheets and covers going different directions.
Dear $DEITY what would happen then.
Rectangular beds, and thusly rectangles, are the order in the universe. You
only have a possible 2 ways to muck things up, and of those two, one will have
a tag, and you simply have the choice (however agonizing) of does the tag go
at the top… or the bottom.
This may take a while to figure out, allow yourself at least a week of thought
time before you need to get worried.
So if squares are the disorder of the universe, then rectangles must be order.
I wonder how much more believable and reputable statistics would be if all
those math people used the “rectangle” of a number instead of the “square” to
do their wacky calculations. I took stats in school and I know what
they do to those poor number to manipulate them to their own discusting guilty
little freakish whims. I mean, come on, you think the term “lies, damn lies
and statistics” was just made up by some 86% of the population? I think not.
How about a movement, a movement for the conversion of all mathematics to use
the new “rectangle” calculation instead of the square. They’d probably adopt
some lame 2:1 rectangle for their calculations (ie: 4^r = 24 (r = rectangle)),
but I say no! The rectangle (if it is to be used to it’s
fullest) should be a randomly changing ratio, up to but never including 1:1 as
it’s size.
But back to beds….
What about the other disorder thrown in by such evils as king sized bed. I
mean, you not only have 4 choices for the directions of your sheet(s) but also
yourself! What greater personal dilema than which way to sleep. If you are
lucky enough to have a bed that is lined up with the walls you at least have
the the opportunity to view each wall of your bedroom, but if your bed is
cockeyed in the middle of the room what the heck are you supposed to do! Not
only do you not have control of your own body but of the bed on which you
sleep!
Oh the humanity!