How To Have An Affair

Disclaimer: Ever notice how strange random thoughts appear, and even though they are really really wrong, they’re still good?

Firefly came up with the first idea, in a round about way, which is to pretend to become a health nut to hide an affair. What better excuse for when you come home all sweaty and out of breath? Coming home late after work? “just hit the gym on the way home dear!” For women, if you have a man on the side and his name is Jim, you can be even truthful.

The other one was mine, and that was to hide love-emails as spam. Hell, I get several of these every couple of days! Just make sure that you and the person you’re corresponding with put your name in capitals (“Dear ARCTEREX…”) and no matter what it says, you can always defend yourself to your partner with “but it’s spam! I get it all the time.”

Note: I would not endorse such horrible and underhanded methods, and do not approve of such behaviour at all.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to the gym….

11 Comments on “How To Have An Affair”

  1. Now, maybe I am old fashioned, but isn’t it a bit dangerous discussing this particular topic with your SO, even with the disclaimer? And is it worrying at all that she brought it up? 😎

  2. I love the it’s spam I’m currently having an affair with a extremely handsome but married man. He’s always working me late 🙂

  3. Good Idea on the spam thing.
    Apartments are a good place to play in the car. Odd hours work best, and since the population of the complex is transient, the odds of knowing someone who lives there are slim.

  4. I have been having an affair since March 2003 with a former classmate. We actually dated in our teens and had an affair in the early years of marriage. We are now at it once again. Working late works real good. Out of town on business works also.
    Free tickets to sporting events is also a great reason (excuse) to get away for the evening. If used them all…………and loving every minute of it

  5. I suggest you take a haircut. After that: hide your driverslicense and wear a pair of sunglasses. It works for me every single time!

  6. What if you’re a woman that doens’t work outside the home? I’ve found it’s very hard to get out. I’m 109 pounds and have claimed to have joined Overeaters Anonymus. What else can I use? Please help!!!!!!!!!!
    I go to the gym during the day and that’s been the norm so I can’t change that and when I go out, I’m out really late…

  7. Wow.
    Its hard to believe that so many people have affairs.
    I had to cut relations with all my male friends before I got married, and decided that I was going to be faithfull to my hubby 100%, but all that changed when I discoverd he is still seeing someone he had a relationship wiht before we got married. We fight about it all the time and I just dont know what to do, so I am going to have an affair just to get even and hope he finds out about it so he willknow what hell he is putting me through with this lady.
    And that will be the sweetest revenge.
    Maybe he will wake up and dump that skank.

  8. when im sneaking off with my bf i try to do it late in the evening, ‘going for dinner and drinks with girls’ ‘the gym’ whatever sounds reasonable at the time, and i also take my dog to the vet once a month hahaha. perfect excuse for daytime excursions, and my poor pooch just waits it out at the bfs apt. its smart to accidently take my hubbys car keys with me too, just in case he gets suspicious, he can’t follow me! so far sooo good!

  9. If you are going to have an affair and want to make sure you don’t get caught, search for affair tips on the Internet. There are a few sites that will help you cheat and NOT get caught!